Beyond the Brocade Tapestry

Redefining success in sex work

This particular subject touches on all my sensitive parts for sure. Agreeing on a definition for success is necessary for so many reasons, but let’s start by just drawing attention to how insultingly narrow our definition for this really is. From the moment I was born, I was taught to equate success with wealth, status, conventional achievements, and accolades, and to a degree, we all were. It has forever colored my decisions around work, friends, and appearance, and it will be a lifetime of disentangling myself from it’s vice grips. But what if, for a brief moment, just the length of this article, I transported you to an alternate reality, where some of the most successful people were actually, yep you guessed it, sex workers. Imagine that we are at the top of the food chain…

[Scene: A stylish café nestled in the heart of the vibrant, Dallas, TX. A sex worker sits gracefully at a table, her presence commanding attention with an effortless blend of confidence and allure. As she sips her coffee, the soft glow of the café lights dance playfully on her features. Meanwhile, a white, cis-male CEO, drawn in by her magnetic aura, approaches with curiosity, his steps quickening with each stride.]

CEO: (Approaching with a weird smile and buggy eyes) Hey there. Mind if I join you? Couldn't help but notice your vibe from across the room.

Sex Worker: (With a smirk and a shrug of the shoulders) Sure, take a seat. But I’ll inform you, it will cost.

CEO: Oh yah? Well, good thing I’m used to paying for pretty girls attention like yourself. How long you been in the bis?

SW: (Not a word was said, but her eyes spoke volumes)

CEO: Message received. (He leans over onto one buttcheeck to reach into his tight, white pants pocket. He slides his wallet out, grabs a couple hundreds, and throws them on the table.)

SW: That’s better. Thank you.

CEO: Sure. Now… I’ve got a few questions for you. Your lifestyle is so polar opposite of mine, and I find it to be quite liberating at the thought of it all, but I’d love to hear more about your success. What makes you feel like you are or have been successful in your life if you’re just a sex worker? How can you find fulfillment or even value from being someone else’s sex toy?

SW: (Leaning in, intrigued) Success, huh? Sex toy, eh? You’re just jumping right in, aren’t ya? No filter whatsoever. I’ll address success, but first, I’m nobody’s sex toy, unless explicitly negotiated and justly compensated.

CEO: (Thinking for a moment, a bit bashful, but not enough) Oh, I’m so sorry! That was crude. I shouldn’t just assume like that… (followed by a “friendly” eye roll)

SW: (Nodding knowingly) Yep. You shouldn’t. Because not everyone wants to be labeled like that, and some do, and that’s okay. I mean… what’s wrong with wanting to be someone’s sex toy??

CEO: (Leaning forward, curious) Go on...

SW: (With a hint of mischief) Wouldn’t you like to know.

CEO: (Intrigued, nodding) Sounds liberating. I'm stuck in board meetings and corporate politics most days.

SW: (With a smirk) But let's not forget the satisfaction of doing work that truly lights you up. Every encounter, every moment, is an opportunity for connection and empowerment between my clients and I.

CEO: (Impressed, leaning back) I envy that. In my world, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters.

SW: (With a knowing smile) Hey, we all have our own paths to fulfillment. For me, it’s about owning my choices and finding power in them. I manage my own business, set my rates, and ensure that my work is compensated fairly. That’s success on my terms.

CEO: (Feflective with a tinge of jealousy) You know, you’ve given me a lot to think about.

SW: (Leaning in, her eyes sparkling with passion) Like what? How about the realization that the type of work we do doesn't define our worth or our success? It's about the quality of life we lead, the autonomy we possess, and the fulfillment we find in our choices. We live in a world that often measures success by superficial standards—money, status, prestige—but true success is about living authentically, on our own terms, regardless of societal norms or expectations.

[She takes a sip of her coffee, her gaze unwavering as she continues.]

SW: It's about reclaiming our narratives, challenging stereotypes, and celebrating the diverse paths to fulfillment that exist. Whether we're CEOs in corner offices or sex workers in chic cafés, we all deserve respect, recognition, and the freedom to pursue happiness in whatever form it takes. So, maybe it's time we redefined success, not as a destination to reach, but as a journey to embrace—one that's guided by our values, our passions, and our inherent worth as human beings.

[The CEO listens intently, nodding in agreement, as the words sink in. He realizes that success isn't confined to boardrooms and balance sheets—it's found in the courage to live authentically and the wisdom to embrace life's complexities. His expression softens, a flicker of realization dawning in his eyes.]

[As the words sink in, the CEO's demeanor shifts, a sense of longing mingling with admiration in his gaze. He realizes that while he may have wealth and status, he's sacrificed his autonomy and freedom along the way. Deeply envious of the sex worker's independence and self-determination, he knows that he's painted himself into a corner, bound by the constraints of his own making.]

CEO: (Quietly, almost to himself) Money can buy a lot of things, but it can't buy freedom. And that's something you've got in spades.

[The sex worker offers a sympathetic smile, acknowledging the CEO's epiphany with a silent understanding. In that moment, they share a connection born from a mutual recognition of the complexities of success and the courage to live life on their own terms.]

I told you to imagine an alternate reality, but the truth is, this is a conversation I’ve had countless times, with people from all up and down the “ladder of success”. No matter what they did with their time, if they weren’t getting enough connection—emotionally, physically, and spiritually—then they weren’t fulfilled. It’s a universal truth that transcends professions and social status: without meaningful connection, life lacks depth and richness. So perhaps success isn’t about reaching the top of the ladder or amassing wealth; perhaps it’s about nurturing the connections that enrich our lives and give us a sense of purpose and fulfillment.

Did you notice how I asked him to pay for my time before I started talking to him? I’m sure that your average person may not change for a casual conversation like this but sex workers rarely get acknowledged for our expertise in human connection and the wisdom that brings, so it’s important to assert our worth from the outset. By setting boundaries and establishing the value of our time and expertise, we challenge the pervasive stigma that often surrounds our profession. Sex workers possess a wealth of knowledge and insight, honed through years of navigating complex interpersonal dynamics and cultivating genuine connections with clients. Yet, all too often, our expertise is overlooked or dismissed. So when I asked the CEO to compensate me for my time, it wasn’t just about financial transactions—it was a statement of our inherent worth as professionals in the realm of human connection. It’s time society recognizes and respects that.

Now, just like everything else in this world, not all sex workers are cut from the same cloth. This conversation that happened in a “chic cafe”, is an unlikely scenario to happen with a survival, street-based sex worker. Survival, street-based sex workers are not always able to choose their own clientele, have meaningful connections, make their own schedule, or decide their own rates, so what makes them successful at the end of the day? Many things. Too many to truly detail here. But one of the most consistent that I’ve noticed is the way they forge bonds of solidarity within their communities. Despite the challenges they face, survival sex workers create networks of mutual aid and support, ensuring that no one is left behind. In a world that often overlooks their struggles, their ability to come together and care for one another is a true measure of their success.

In the context of survival sex work, these connections take on a different significance. For survival sex workers, the bonds they form with their peers and allies are not just sources of emotional support; they're lifelines in a world that often marginalizes and overlooks their humanity. The solidarity they share is not just a nicety; it's a necessity for survival. As they navigate the challenges of street-based sex work, from violence and exploitation to discrimination and stigma, these connections serve as beacons of hope and resilience. In coming together, they defy the odds and affirm their inherent worth and dignity as individuals, united in their quest for social justice.

And so, as we reflect on the diverse experiences and narratives of sex workers, from chic cafés to street corners, let us not forget the resilience and strength that defines our journey. Let us challenge the narrow definitions of success that confine us, and instead embrace a more expansive vision—one that celebrates the complexities of the human experience and honors the inherent worth and dignity of all individuals, regardless of their profession or social status. For in the end, true success is not about reaching the top of the ladder or amassing wealth; it's about living authentically, forging meaningful connections, and finding fulfillment in the journey itself. And in that regard, sex workers are some of the most successful and interesting people I know.