Touch Starvation
how sex work helps to alleviate a societal crisis
Heyyyy. I assume you’re saying welcome back (to me), and I deeply appreciate that sentiment. Today’s the first day I’ve woken up at 5:30a—which is my traditional writing time—in a few months, so I decided to take the opportunity to write about something, but not just anything, something very near and dear to my heart: touch starvation. What does that even mean??? Exactly what it sounds like. Touch starvation, also known as skin hunger or touch deprivation, is a condition where a person experiences a significant lack of physical touch in their life. I, and many others like me, believe that touch is a fundamental human need. Read that again. Human touch is essential for emotional, physical, and psychological well-being, and we see this in countless scientific studies, one of the main one’s being Harlow’s Monkey Experiements. If you haven’t heard of this study, I highly suggest you watch a youtube video on it, but essentially, baby monkeys were taken from their mothers (so sad, I know) and were given an inanimate, soft/cuddly “mother” monkey. They had the option to choose either food or touch, and nearly every subject chose touch, indicating that touch was more critical for their emotional well-being than even basic nourishment.
In a post-COVID world, touch starvation has become more and more prevalent due to social distancing, increased digital communication, and of course, the widespread adoption of remote work and virtual interactions, which have significantly reduced opportunities for physical human contact. We also can’t forget about cultural stigmas around touch, especially in Western societies where physical contact is often only linked to close, romantic relationships, leading to a lack of platonic touch commonly found between friends, family members, and even acquaintances. In countries like Italy, Spain, and Greece, physical touch is a common part of social interactions. So it wouldn’t be unusual for these aforementioned groups of people to greet each other with kisses on the cheek, hugs, hand squeezes, or even a classic pat on the back. In their cultures (and others not mentioned here), physical closeness and touch are seen as expressions of warmth, familiarity, and affection, extending beyond romantic relationships.
The Role of Human Touch
So we understand that monkey’s need touch to survive, especially during the early development stages, but what about humans? Well, research has shown that skin-to-skin contact immediately after birth is highly beneficial for both the infant and the mother, in that they found that this practice helps to stabilize the infants physiological parameters, supports early breastfeeding, and fosters a strong emotional bond between mother and child. Additionally, studies have also highlighted the importance of early attachment through touch, such as holding or breastfeeding, which helps infants develop secure attachment styles. This secure attachment, formed through early and consistent touch, lays the foundation for a child’s emotional resilience, social competence, and overall psychological well-being throughout their life.
I could go on and on about the role that touch plays in our lives. Another example is stress reduction. Touch has been linked to activating the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps lower cortisol levels (the stress hormone) and promote relaxation. Additionally, regular physical contact, such as hugs or holding hands, helps strengthen emotional bonds between individuals, which contributes to feelings of belonging and security. Touch also play a therapeutic role in alleviating symptoms of anxiety and depression. The soothing effects of touch help to calm the nervous system, reduce feelings of isolation, and enhance one’s mood.
Last point, I promise. Research has been performed to see how touch impacts the performance of a group, whether it’s in the office or on the court/field. This particular article found that NBA teams where players engaged in more physical touches—like high-fives, fist bumps, and hugs—performed better and displayed higher levels of cooperation throughout the season. This tactile communication was strongly linked to the team’s improved performance, only further highlighting how touch fosters a sense of unity and mutual reliance among team members.
To conclude this section, which isn’t complete by any means, we can see that the role of human touch in our lives is profound and multifaceted. From the earliest stages of life, touch is essential for survival. The science is clear: touch is not just a luxyury—it’s a fundamental human need that shapes our lives in countless ways.
How Sex Work Addresses Touch Starvation
Regardless of what you know about sex work, it isn’t solely about getting a nut; touch is integral to many forms of sex work, going beyond sexual gratification. I mean, just yesterday, I had a client who explained to me that having an orgasm would have been the cherry on top of what he had received so far, so much so, that he would have been just as satisfied if it didn’t happen due to the comfort, care, and affection he received throughout the session itself. There are many different ways that sex workers touch their clients and some may include an orgasm, or not.
Not only do sex workers provide a variety of different touch practices (yes, you will have to hire one to find out what these practices are), but we also provide safe enough environments where clients can experience non-judgmental, consensual touch. For example, one of my regulars struggles with deep-seated body image issues and a history of emotional neglect. When he first approached me, they were hesitant about being touched and expressed a great deal of anxiety about his body. The fact that he could share that with me, a stranger, indicates that I did a pretty damn good job at created an environment that breeds that type of vulnerability. I reassured him that in our sessions, my touch would be entirely guided by his comfort levels and before touch even began, we discussed what forms of touch he was comfortable with, further establishing a mutual understanding of consent. Through consent and communication, I created a sanctuary for my client to explore physical touch in a way that felt safe, affirming, and healing to them.
Imagine people who experience prolonged social isolation, disability, or who’ve lost their loved ones. What are they to do? How are they supposed to get their touch needs met? Sex work. Erotic labor. That’s how. Many people lack touch in their lives for various reasons. Even people in relationships experience touch starvation; this is not all that uncommon. In these situations, sex workers step in to fill a vital gap, providing not just physical touch but also emotional comfort, non-judgmental companionship, and a sense of connection that is often absent in a person’s daily life. Through the work of consensual, professional touch, sex workers help people rediscover their simple, yet profound, human need for contact, alleviating things like loneliness and restoring a sense of belonging.
The Future of Touch in a Post-Pandemic World
As we know so far, the absence of touch, a fundamental human need, exacerbates feelings of loneliness and disconnection. This wasn’t just an assumption; numerous studies conducted during the pandemic revealed the significant psychological toll of prolonged isolation.
For instance, research from University College London found that individuals deprived of intimate, interpersonal touch experienced heightened anxiety, increased feelings of loneliness, and a deepened craving for physical contact. These findings highlighted how essential touch is for mental health, serving as a reminder of the emotional comfort and sense of belonging it provides (UCL). Similarly, a study published in Frontiers in Psychology pointed out that prolonged isolation disrupted people's normal routines, including their sleep and eating habits, leading to a decline in overall well-being (Frontiers).
As our society emerges/emerged from this pandemic, people have gained a renewed understanding of the role of touch, which could potentially lead to a broader acceptance and appreciation of touch-based services, including those offered by sex workers. The experience of collective isolation has underscored the value of physical contact, potentially shifting societal attitudes towards touch and, by extension, sex work. This shift could lead to more open and compassionate conversations about the value of touch, the importance of human connection, and the essential roles that touch-based professions play in fostering health and well-being. As we move forward, the lessons learned from this period of isolation could pave the way for a society that better understands and values the healing power of touch.
As we emerge from the pandemic, the need for human touch has never been more evident. The widespread experience of touch deprivation highlighted the deep emotional and psychological void left by prolonged isolation. In this context, sex work plays a crucial role in addressing a societal crisis that extends far beyond sexual gratification. As society begins to recognize the importance of touch, the role of sex work in fulfilling this fundamental human need may be seen in a new light—as a form of healing that addresses a critical gap in our collective health and well-being. By embracing this perspective, we can move toward a more compassionate society that values the essential services sex workers provide in helping to heal a touch-starved world.
Thank you for being here.
XO
Mona Wolf aka Margaux Underwood